How To Snag A Husband From A College Dormitory

What better place is there to find a mate than in college? The Ohio State campus has more men than women so while looking for that perfect mate there is no better place to start than the college dormitory. I have found six different strategies for capturing that perfect man in the room next door, down the hall, or upstairs - or whatever one's case may be. So ladies, get your shoes on!

PLAN A

For the lady who is new on campus, I suggest introducing oneself to every good-looking man that walks by. This can be done by spending more time in the lobby, by playing pool, ping pong, or. . .even studying. If athletes are the goal, bare in mind that they usually have practice in the late afternoons, so they may come to the dining commons later than those who are not athletes. Be aware that all eyes are roaming at dinner so impressive dress is very important. Also, remember that many conversations can be made over that small, but simple salad bar.

It is through personal experience that I suggest keeping one's door open at all times because sometimes these beasts will trample through the hall pounding on doors, or stop to talk to girls. Two items that must always be kept nearby for emergencies: a chair and some extra heavy rope. If a good catch should happen to swim in be sure to capture that fish! Some ladies may even be courageous enough to knock on doors themselves. It's a little tacky, but sometimes it works. If something plausible walks by just ask to borrow a Course Offerings Bulletin, or something like that. It's a good excuse to get into his room and then start up a conversation. While he may be searching for his Bulletin, I suggest looking for his dates and data calendar to see what his plans are for the weekend!

PLAN B

The laundry room is a great place to catch unsuspecting candidates! Try doing laundry when the room is the most crowded. Bewildered male faces provide ample opportunities to interject female laundry expertise. It's very interesting to watch men do laundry because they usually don't know what they are doing. Either the man will throw everything into the washer together adding unknown amounts of detergent and putting the machine on hot water load, or he will decide after reading the entire directions to a box of Cheer; to request a ladies help. Ladies must be careful with this plan though because helping men with their laundry can become a dirty habit. To appear academic, it may be a good idea to bring a few books and look busy with them. If something adequate arrives then there's an excuse to start a conversation. Ask for help on your studies.

PLAN C

Apply for a job working with the dormitory office staff. These employees work in the lobby office. Being on the office staff has its advantages such having access to the names, room numbers, and phone numbers of everyone living in that dorm. This job can be a personal dating service because ladies can peruse through the biostatistics (age, date of birth, room number, and phone number) and search for her future husband. This position allows the female to investigate any male's availability status by checking his incoming and outgoing mail. In either case, once a prospect is found, she may call this person and lure him into the lobby by saying that someone is waiting for him there. After he comes down to the lobby, if his looks are not desirable then she can throw him back into the sea; tell him that the person left and nothing is lost. If this person is handsome, then find out what his major is and then ask for help in some subject, or whatever, but start a conversation.

PLAN D

Simply, hang-out on the men's floors. This plan is sure to work because the men can't help but talk to a lady when she's standing outside his door. Though, I must caution the ladies on this one because strolling around on the men's floors can be quite dangerous. Please be aware that there could be flying bowling balls, footballs, basketballs, or golf balls. Men's floors are absorbed in the aroma of sweat, dirty underwear and socks, and beer so in order for a lady to survive on the floor at all she may want to invest in a gas mask. The floor could also be obscene at any time since men tend to not wear clothing sometimes. If strange noises are heard, well, it could be anything: singing in the shower, atari games, beer guzzling, or certain other unmentionables. Be prepared to defend oneself at all times.

PLAN F

Ignore all of his weaknesses and magnify all of his attributes. Consume oneself with his hobbies, interests, friends, and over-stimulate him with generous compliments to elevate his ego. Disarm him - make him completely dependent upon the pursuing females' assets such as scheduling his social calendar, prepare his favorite meals, homework, and laundry. Essentially, be a leach. He will worship the adoring female.

I give my personal guarantee that any lady who studies and puts to practice these six strategies will capture her dream man. These steps will bring her one step closer to the significant other. If not satisfied with the finished product, dump him, and repeat these steps as necessary.